Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Can't Control Randomness Anymore...

"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets". -Gloria Stuart
We have a tendency to lose friends as we grow up. We start keeping a lot of secrets. It starts to dawn upon us that growing up does not necessarily mean that you are free and relaxed just because you no longer have to do compulsory home work just because you dread punishment your teacher might give. Some of us feel sorry for growing up. Some of us feel that it was bound to happen and react to adulthood as if it was just sulfuric acid reacting with potassium permanganate to give magnesium pentoxide.
   Personally I feel overwhelmed by the number of emotions and thoughts I realize each day. As a school girl I loved science, had strong opinions about various social issues but never imagined myself debating technical issues or protesting against Microsoft's plans of disbanding Linux based operating systems. I thought I was meant for handling social issues and curing people. Every time some one asked me "What do you think you would be doing at the age of 20?" I would imagine myself at AIIMS ( the only medical college I knew back then ) and reading about the human organ system voraciously. Sadly because of several issues, mainly lack of confidence, I did not end up where I would be in peace. I always wanted to know the intricacies of the nervous and circulatory systems. India lacks neurologists and I wanted to reduce the deficit, even if it was just one person. I hate to people suffer just because they do not get the kind of neurological care they need. (I know it looks out of context, so I would call that an RTFact).

    I came to Roorkee and got introduced to feminism and realized the sleeping feminist I always carried. "When sleeping women wake up, mountains move."-Anonymous. All my words which I had considered to be rude or against society slowly started making sense. Why shouldn't they? After all, they are fighting for a section that has been oppressed for more than a millennium  I have come to realize that feminism is the best ideology any person can choose because feminism is no longer just about females. Its about everyone. You can't call yourself a feminist if you discriminate against homosexuals or choose to believe that people with dark skin are ugly and need to be pitied and consoled. Feminism sensitizes you towards everyone in your society. If you believe that you could help the victims by appealing to the moral sense of oppressors then you can try doing that but a lot of feminists do not believe in it. The only reason is that we have tried and tested it and we did not get our freedom by doing so. We got our freedom by revolting against the existing social order. We chose to defy social norms. We did not take up arms to demolish the existing patriarchal society.

    Although I never imagined myself to be involved with tiny quarks, now I cannot imagine myself without quantum physics. Life would suddenly be so boring for me. Physics gives you consolation and sympathy which no one can provide. It gives you love, desire, addiction, fascination and an escape. It can sneak anywhere. People might have never expected the nuances of quantum physics to sneak into bits and bytes of computer memory. The best thing about physics is that it lets your imagination loose but constraints you using its laws. You cannot defy them. You love to follow them. I still imagine an alternate universe that split at the point when I decided that I wasn't good enough for medical sciences. I know that in some other universe I am the girl I always wanted to be. A girl using the AIIMS library as her second home, a girl well versed with the various areas of the human brain. And in that universe I am  the chosen one. 


  1. Why control the randomness? Isn't this what makes your life amazing?
    And also has given rise to so many terms around you in labs lingo :)

    1. So much of life, it seems to me, is determined by pure randomness.
      -Sidney Poitier